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Live @ the Space

by Amanda Sternklar

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1.
I wrote a song about you, but I can't tell you the words, so this will have to do. I didn't say that I love you, and I certainly didn't say that you felt the same way. I didn't talk about that stroll in the park, or the theatre where we held hands in the dark, or watching you laugh while the dogs bark. No, I kept that to myself. I never claimed there was anything special that we shared. I won't make this a fairytale or pretend that you cared. No, I never used your name; I swear that much is true. This wasn't a love song; it just happened to be about you. I had a dream about you. Don't get too excited; you got eaten by a dragon before it was through. And as I dreamed on through the night, I swear you weren't my white knight. I never talked about the dreams we shared; even in my dreams you never cared or held my hand when I was scared. This wasn't a sweet dream. I never claimed there was anything special that we shared. I won't make this a fairytale or pretend that you cared. No, I never used your name; I swear that much is true. This wasn't a love song; it just happened to be about you. I wrote your name on my heart. Just because I didn't have scrap paper, it doesn't mean I never want us to be apart. And around the name I wrote there, I didn't draw a heart or smiley face. That would be out of place. I didn't talk about that second year, when my fingers slipped on the boutonniere, or my knuckles 'tween yours, clutched white with fear. No, I kept that to myself. I never claimed there was anything special that we shared. I won't make this a fairytale or pretend that you cared. No, I never used your name; I swear that much is true. This wasn't a love song; I even scribbled out the verse that was about you.
2.
Sitting on the bus one day; you get on and move me in. I’m biting my lip to hold back tears. I’ve got my knees pulled up to my chin. You tell me to pick that head up, smile, and outshine the sun. You say some day we’re just gonna go, get in the car and have some fun. When I’m hiding inside like a scared little girl or I’m listening to music to drown out the world, when someone’s been using my heart as a toy, I know I’ll be saved by my violin boy. I’m walking down the hall alone, I’m quiet, my head’s in space. It’s been a bad day and all I need is just to see a friendly face. When a hand shoulder makes me want to jump for joy, I know everything will be okay; here comes my violin boy. When I’m hiding inside like a scared little girl or I’m listening to music to drown out the world, when someone’s been using my heart as a toy, I know I’ll be saved by my violin boy. Don’t need no invitation, just need to be who I am. With you I just need to laugh, smile and not give a damn. When I’m hiding inside like a scared little girl or I’m listening to music to drown out the world, when someone’s been using my heart as a toy, I know I’ll be saved by my violin boy.
3.
Your genius was first apparent to your parents when you were three. Your dad was doing payroll in the kitchen where you could see. You said "Dad, I think you've made a terrible mistake. Someone's about to take home a bit more than they make." Well, you worked out the rudiments of algebra before you could speak, and, although some people may call you a freak, I don't want you to brush off my affection. My love for you has magnitude and direction. That didn't stop when you got to high school, and although I doubt many people thought you were cool, you proved that the fundamental theorem of algebra was true, and, because of that, they started calling you the Prince of Mathematics before you'd reached your peak. Although some people might call you a freak, I don't want you to brush off my affection. My love for you has magnitude and direction. Though there's more than a century and a half between us, I know that, someday, Gauss... Some people are put off by your snarl, but some day I'll lean my head on your chest and call you Carl. You worked out the rudiments of algebra before you could speak, and, although some people may call you a freak, I don't want you to brush off my affection. My love for you has magnitude and direction.
4.
Well, you loved her twelve dollars And four coffee shops ago, When you picked up that message And pressed decode, But that blinking streetlight Is slowing down. Facing the enigma, You’re coming around. Things look pretty good from where I stand, But what do I know? There’s so much smoke. You insist on calling God from my plan. Don’t you know? That bill will leave me broke. I can almost taste the dreams in the palm of your hand. You let them show the moment you spoke. As you leave behind her present And unwrap your past, You’ve got to tell me if you Found a love that will last. Otherwise we’re just sitting here To re-play out history. You only found a mirror where You wanted a mystery. Things look pretty good from where I stand, But what do I know? There’s so much smoke. You insist on calling God from my plan. Don’t you know? That bill will leave me broke. I can almost taste the dreams in the palm of your hand. You let them show the moment you spoke. And she tries not to notice it’s her you need. She’s never had anyone else to believe. You think the puppet strings she holds lead to your heart, But she put down her soul when she picked up that guitar. Things look pretty good from where I stand, But what do I know? There’s so much smoke. You insist on calling God from my plan. Don’t you know? That bill will leave me broke. I can almost taste the dreams in the palm of your hand. You let them show the moment you spoke.
5.
He says that word like it doesn’t hurt, and he always smiles when he looks at her. Although I’m happy for what he’s found, how do I tell him while he’s still around? Love is the filthiest four letter word I know, and I’m perfectly happy not letting my feelings grow. If I pull up the covers, hide away, get up and close my door, maybe then love would leave me alone and never come back for more. I pick up the phone; it weighs a million pounds, get the dial tone, and flinch at the sound. I hold my breath until the ringing is gone, don’t let it go until his voicemail comes on. Love is the filthiest four letter word I know, and I’m perfectly happy not letting my feelings grow. If I pull up the covers, hide away, get up and close my door, maybe then love would leave me alone and never come back for more. I’m never going to be that girl, the one you left back home, the one you left just sitting here, staring at her phone, oh no, and maybe this will show, you’re always going to leave me here alone. Love is the filthiest four letter word I know, and I’m perfectly happy not letting my feelings grow. If I pull up the covers, hide away, get up and close my door, maybe then love would leave me alone and never come back for more. But maybe it will stay.
6.
She’ll smile and squeeze your hand. You’ll ask if she’s okay. She’ll brush off any worry, ask about your day. And everything’s so neat and clean, almost like it’s made for a movie screen, but can we please call scene? Because you’re the prince who finally found the princess, but I’m not the one in the white dress. You slayed the dragon, and you weren’t scared at all. You saved the girl and you took her to the ball. And that’s good, and that’s great, but don’t you ever want anything more? Is there any hope left for the princess next door? You’ll twirl her around the dance floor. She’ll smile with grace. You’ll promise to be her protector, wipe every tear from her face. And everything’s so neat and clean, almost like it’s made for a movie screen, but can we please call scene? Because you’re the prince who finally found the princess, but I’m not the one in the white dress. You slayed the dragon, and you weren’t scared at all. You saved the girl and you took her to the ball. And that’s good, and that’s great, but don’t you ever want anything more? Is there any hope left for the princess next door? And I’ll be the one who sees you with no crown on, the one who knows you snort when you laugh when you’re drunk, the one who keeps your demons at bay and loves you anyway. Even though you’re the prince who finally found the princess, I’m not still the one in the white dress. You slayed the dragon, and you weren’t scared at all. You saved the girl and you took her to the ball. And that’s good, and that’s great, I guess you didn’t want anything more. I guess there’s never hope left for the princess next door.
7.
Wearing that deep purple dress, got flowers in your hair. Don't want to spend this whole party alone in that chair, and when he smiles at you, it's so easy to see; if you just said hello, girl, you'd be so free. But you're always on the outside of everything, trying to go along with that perfect swing. You are one third daffodil, my dear. Start weaving, you're here. Holding hands never used to feel like a chore, but he just had to go and open that door, and now the ends are all woven in, and you're left in the breeze, girl made of string. You've got to open the oyster to get to the pearl. Feel free to laugh, it's not the end of the world. Every thunderstorm leads to a rainbow, and every wallflower must grow. Even when you're always on the outside of everything, trying to go along with that perfect swing. You are one third daffodil, my dear. Start weaving, you're here. Got those big sunglasses on to keep the rest of the world out. Always learned to whisper when you wanted to shout. Never wore dresses; they draw too much attention to you. Never stopped to daydream, you just stare straight on through. But you've got to open the oyster to get to the pearl. Feel free to laugh, it's not the end of the world. Every thunderstorm leads to a rainbow, and every wallflower must grow. Even though you're always on the outside of everything, trying to go along with that perfect swing. You are one third daffodil, my dear. Start weaving, you're here.

about

This was recorded live at The Space in Hamden, CT at the Nerdfighter gathering there on June 16th, 2011. It includes seven of my original songs, so I hope you enjoy them! Even if you weren't there, join in the fun with us and sing along!

If you pay $5 or more for the album, make sure to let me know. There's some exclusive video and audio in it for you! If you don't, that's perfectly okay, too!

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released July 17, 2011

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Amanda Sternklar Albany, New York

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